Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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