My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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