Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
