ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
