I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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