i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
