I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Be still, my beating vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
