"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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