if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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