Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
