upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
