Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
