... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
