what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
