Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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