I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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