Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
