i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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