Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
