I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
