I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
