He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
