Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He shit in the fireplace
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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