Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
