i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
