i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
