Me. At least after what I've been through.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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