So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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