420 ftw
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
