We need to rekindle our bromance
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
