Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
