in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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