Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
