so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
