oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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