drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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