So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
