I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
