things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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