i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
