bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
