she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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