If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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