Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
