Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
