I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
