Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
