Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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