Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I love having hate sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
