Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
